1000 views? Twatter and Viacebook

I don't know if you can put those on here or not so here:

*pause* Never thought I would say this, but Like me on Facebook and follow me on Twitter, yeah! Uhgg, okay, that's over here: Book on your face and Annoying blu burd.

1k views? Well I just know that was all me! Thank you creeps and weirdos for actually looking here. Soon I'll get a Hauppauge HD PVR Gaming Edition and do some video reviews, walkthroughs, and commentaries with an ostrich (just wait).

Lets Slow Down, Max Payne 3 Review

"I thought I was done. I thought I earned the right to drink myself to death after playing guns a bit too long. Piling up the bill in morgue a countless number of times. I think too much and here I go again for the last time."
-made up Max Payne quote by ME!

SLIDE ONE: The Past

The "Payne" (haha) started in 2001 with Remedy Entertainment's release of well, Max Payne. Although it was praised, it was not without it's faults. It had very fun gameplay, but lack some replay value. My wonder is how Remedy was able to get the rights to use Warner Bros. copyrighted "Bullet Time" in a video game. If you don't know what Bullet Time is; it's the cinema term for slow-mo. I can't believe they copyrighted that. Well, Gene Simmons copyright OJ for orange juice, so don't be surprised. The only real feasible faults were lack of multiplayer (not even basic local or LAN) and the average linear (Non-Mass Effect-ish) story-line with about 10-15 hours if play. Then after Max fell and rose; he, uh, fell again in 2003. Max Payne 2 was essentially the finished and best Mas Payne with vastly improved graphics, visuals, and, some would have said, a life-like game engine (back then). Still no multiplayer though. Max Payne developed it's legacy and then sadly a bad movie. This a time for games, not movies!

After all that fun, Remedy decided to move on and sold the lasting rights on Mr.Payne to Rockstar for further potential development. Why didn't Remedy make a new one? Well they were doing Alan Wake you herp-derps that don't pay attention. With a new development crew (a good, but buggy one) and new story, you got some whiners. I DON'T CAAAARRE! Don't play the game then, op, well, you got trolls too. Anyway, Rockstar wanted to try out their great talent for good story writing, that has impressed everyone in the past, on a game franchise that they hold dear. Before jumping into this review, I want to take a quick look at how this game (to) represents past of video games and how the future of will change.

RIP Paul Gray

SLIDE TWO: What did and does this mean for video games?

Games change, that's why Max Payne 3 looks different from the first two, why Call of Duty does not always need a gameplay change, and unnecessary changes like making a new Counter Strike game in stead of Half-Life 3 or Episode 3, whatever! The changes I mean are development changes. Turning an 8 month old project like the original Mortal Kombat (20 years old, congrats!) and using 10-50 for a dev team. They used to use a mod of a famous id or Unreal engine. This is all changing and Max Payne said, "It will change, the last gen games will better low budget and not nearly spent on as now". What dose this mean?

This means those less than one year projects may take 2+ years to even complete. So much more detail in everything will try to be immensely improved. It is my hope that much larger development teams will be formed and hopefully games will be worth the 100+ dollars they are said to cost next generation. Better and more immersion in everything: gameplay, multiplayer, story, characters, sound, art, graphics; and the list goes on! Games will be movie production size up to maybe hundreds of people working on one game. This is going to get big within a couple years people! Lets review this Movie Blockbuster Video Game!

SLIDE THREE: Golden guns? What are you doing here?

Lets look at what the least important, but amazing Payne this game has: the visuals. They are all extremely good. Everything is amazing looking. Rockstar always pays attention to a lot of world detail, art, and graphics. I can see why the Xbox version has to use two discs (lucky PS3 Blu-ray needs only one). The games makes you feel like your in the Brazilian cities, docks, and favelas. I know you guys don't need another cliched remark, but when it deserves, it is given. It's not like it looks so real it is indistinguishable from real-life, it looks pretty darn close. I mean, on Xbox this game rivals PS3 games like Uncharted 3 and MGS4. They made it that good looking. Detail in MP3 is so complex it is uncomfortable and amazing at the same time, it's unbelievable to anyone who has a basic knowledge of game development.

Is that it? NO! The art direction is also very great too. The design of nightclubs and shanty towns is unthinkable. The lighting looks from a huge big budget film warehouse with unreal, well, realism. They worked hard as if they knew they were going to make a third Max Payne a while ago. This game is well put together from first the art and graphics stand-point. Just wait for the writing this game has. Just, wait...

Dat view!

SLIDE FOUR: You mean I can dodge bullets?

Yes you can! You could before though. Okay let me level for a sec: this game didn't do it for me in the gameplay category. Sorry everyone; and I know what ruined it too. The Matrix games. They had the same kind of gameplay shooting and dodging, but those games had awesomely fun beat 'em up style Kung-Fu. I will say the gun play is way more fun that Gears of War, Call of Duty, and Battlefield though. The gameplay looks and feels much better than the previous games, but nothing new. You know, that's not always bad too, but for me-wait, shut up me, no biases idiot! The gameplay is fun as hell (I mean heaven) and there is no need to change it. Max Payne 3 is a good challenge to some who think it is too easy and for those others who just want to have good fun. Just because it does not change in ten years does not mean it is a bad game. That's to all you Call of Duty haters!

The games has your typical linear story-line and a long one at that. That's not the whole thing too. There's an arcade mode called A New York Minute that plays the same as Medal of Honor's Tier One Mode. The player needs to finish every level of the game within a certain time and the player can get certain bonuses for certain things to improve their score. The game also features really frickin hard difficulties to further the challenges and hence a nice single player replay value. Rockstar, of course tacked on multiplayer just like everyone else does now to further the game's replay value. I feel the gameplay in both single and multi-player is not the pinnacle reason why this game is so great and it's not the multiplayer either. That typical multiplayer is next.

Cue Rob Dougan's Clubbed to Death! (The Matrix Song)

SLIDE FIVE: The Rockstars next Redemption? Not really

Maybe in some recess of Max's mind he wanted to. Dan Houser; does he ring any bells? Well his name doesn't here he is. He is the master storyteller and writer of Rockstar games, with some help too. He was the main writer from GTA III to Red Dead Redemption, will be writing for GTA V and of course wrote Max Payne 3. I won't go into his writing at, but only this story in Max Payne 3. It's a good story, it is very suprising how this chacater has developed over time. Bitter and bitter and bitter; he is one darkly funny cynnical Payne to for anyone to deal with. First his family gets murdered, and then his new love gets killed. Now he just drinks himself stupid in Jersey; what a life. As he is about to get shot by the son of the mob thug, an old friend from the academy randomly walks in the bar and shoos and shoots out with the kid and mob. They leave to Brazil and Max just does not care.

You gotta love Max Payne, he is so awesome. He is the exact opposite of Nathan Drake except the same fact that they make some really bad ideas that somehow work. The other characters add the cinema quality and enemies add the shoot 'em up quality. The surprisingly great and intriguing story adds to the immersion in the game. The writing and story telling makes this game worth a buy to enjoy for hours and hours and hours and-okay I'll stop. I don't want to give it all away so just rent at least!

I hated New Jersey anyway.

SLIDE SIX: Another thumbtack on the board?

The big thing in triple A titles now is the "tacked-on" multiplayer. You can blame with trying to compete with COD. I don't get why so many games are at it, but I can't change that. Rockstar is k recently known for always having multiplayer to continue playing in. It would have been fun if they allowed co-op, one person as Max and one as Passos (he is the academy friend), but no go. Honestly (unbiased), it's a lot of fun, not as fleshed out as Red Dead Redemption, but very entertaining when you got nothing different to play. The new money system allows for a realistic feeling customization system. It features many different factions you are forced to play as, so make each character cool looking! The new gang system is cool, but why have it? Well like a Facebook group or something. Play with people with similar interests. They also added a kind of bullet time, where you can sweet jumps and somehow they made it so you can slow mo just a bit. Kudos on that guys! It is more like a staple on the bulletin board. Have fun!

BROS! (and broettes)

END SLIDE: Is the Payne worth it?

Maybe for a little while, unless you like the Payne. It's a great story and character driven game that imerses any type of action gamer and movie goer alike. It may not be as involved as a crime and corruption drama, it  is more for loving the characters and their struggles and triumphs through the past and present. This game is like one of those movies people really enjoyed in the theaters you never had time to see. Now after it's out on DVD, you just got to rent it or buy it and love it. It is that type of enjoyment you love as a rental and, if you need, buy it and love it forever.

Buy it, if you are a huge Max Payne fan and Rockstar fan. If your just interested, rent that thing and have your own look into it. Anyone would loved it. For the love of the Payne, endure the lasting story and challenge the difficulty that can present it self at your choosing. Max Payne 3 achieves 5 and half eggs.

I AM NOT TOO NICE!

Here comes the pain!

Next Re-voo

Max Payne 3, yeah that's the one. Old freakin image:

Trials Evolution Review

The intro songs in this game suck.

No quirky pre-intro.

WEEEEEEEEHHHA! *falls off bike and smashes head in ground*

[silence] 

Driver's License

We all remember the Trials flash game. Well you should! We all should have been doing homework those wonderful days Red Lynx took from us. Then a few games later, in 2009, Trails found a home with Microsoft Game Studios and of course, as an XBLA. Proves to anyone, that if you got a good game idea, get some poeple to make a crappy flash version and you'll be on a way to making lots a lots of mooney! 

Now this game, Trials Evolution, is what that great idea of a bike physics based puzzle-y game evolved into and has gained a large popularity. It is game for the budget-ly challenged and the challenge challenged (if that makes sense). I mean games that lack a challenge to people. Let us see if this game has evolved at all. 

Bronze Medal 

Well, to not surprise anyone, Trials Evolution is exactly like Trials HD, but with more different courses and mini games to play. Just finish the course in time with a few or no faults and you get a Bronze, Silver, Gold, or Platinum medal(s). Easy, medium, hard, and hrrgme, extreme. Diabolical is back n00bs! The mini games are very interesting and fun to play. The tracks are the same way; fun and cool. It gets very challenging toward the harder tracks, but nuthing anyone could have many times trying to improve and beat their friends and brag; no one really give a crud. Anyone will have lots of replaying time to enjoy and/or scream their lungs out on it.... like me. heh

Interestingly, this game gives you all medals after- un say you get a gold, you get the bronze and silver too. These then add up to a count that will unlock more tracks and bikes to play with. This game also features a monetary system that gives the player a certain amount of money for completing a track with a bonus for the 'top' medal earned (like Gold, not the ones < it). This "coin" can be used to purchase articles of clothing and useless, aesthetic bike parts. A definite change for this game series and it's not too over whelming or hard to understand. OOOhhhh yyyeeaaaahh!

The customization is a great way to like the guy your killing on the motorcycle. Maybe you'll a bit if empathy for the poor guy. They need to add a gender option, sorry ladies. 

Yay, IGN!

Silver Medal

Another company that thinks they can put multiplayer in the freakin game just because it's the "popular" thing to do now. THANK YOU Red Lynx! Yes multiplayer is quite the fun moto trial frenzy. Up to four players online and two local, mutiplayer is great way to show how much better you are at a game that others only play casually(I adtmit nothing!) or for the better players to better than you. The single-player game is not diluted at all to remedy the multiplayer. In fact, you need the entirety of the single-player game to play multiplayer because they use the same maps and new ones just for super-cross.

Oh yeah the game modes, okay. The first one is, well super-cross, and that's the only one played with four people at once. It is very distracting to look and see three other players kinda in your side view and to see them flipping and sucking is very amusing and irritating when you flip and fall too. The next one is just Trials from Easy to Medium difficulty. Three other player's ghosts are visible on your screen, which is distracting too, but easy maps to complete and may be a challenge competitively. Lastly, thar be the Hardcore Trials, which are Hard and Extreme courses. So, good luck on those. It is fun to think you'll beat a noob, but you wont. There's also a quick match that picks one the modes fastest to connect to. Three chambered Russian Roulette, if you will. Oh, and you can got to level up to level 6 (in multiplayer) to get the Hardcore matches. Just play a few.

Gold Medal

  

In Trials HD, the whole setting for each course was in a huge and infinity large warehouse. For the course maker/editor twas the same. In Evolution however, there is an entire almost Alan Wake-esque mountainous rural area that courses are in and the map editor's realm spans into creator imagination. The map creator is outstanding because it has greatly 'evolved' from the last title and because the options are vast and awesome. By the way, I suck at the map maker, but the things people come up with is astounding. You can see I writing about a game, not making one. Hence I can't do the map thingies.

You gotta play it to see the fun maps people make! Portal 2 (a good one) course, enough said. To me this mode is confusing to handle, but Red Lynx made it so easy to get anyone's maps. They have a menu option called 'Track Central' (another word to add) where the devs have some map picks, top downloads, top rated and so on. They also have a search, which is more like a browse with chosen parameters for a search and they give you a bunch of creations close to that. Plus you can type in a gamer-tag and get all of their creations. The gold medal this game gets is definitely for the course maker/editor/share-er. Did I mention that side scrolling is not only thing you can do?

I just saw this! \/

Platinum Medal

Trials has evolved for sure over the years. Where will it go next? It seems that the fun of Trials well never end and please don't. I dare say that the Trials series might become (if not already) Xbox's answer to Little Big Planet and that's still a while aways though, but look above! Anyone with an Xbox, get a Trial for this game and Evolve your game experience!

5 out 6 bails-I-I mean eggs.

Next review: Trials Evolution, I guess.

Unfortunately, that is really the only game I can do this month (March 31st today); it's technically April. I can't review Stars Wars Kinect, because I am in a wheelchair. THANKS ALOT MICROSOFT!!! Anyway, The Witcher 2 comes out on Xbox, but it has been reviewed on the PC enough already, so no on that one either. Devil May Cry HD, ewww, I can't do it! The rest are on PC and XBLA (including Trials). So that's it.

Screenshot you've seen before!

Mass Effect 3 Review

Dialogue options:
                                             _   _   --    [Bitch about ending and hate on BioWare]   
                                           /  O   \ --    Forget this review!
                                           \-------/  --    I will start this unbiased review now.

Hooray for crappy improvised dialogue wheel! (could of used HTML code but don't know how)

Here:
                       He's dead in my game
                                     |
                                    \|/

Introro: Set the Record

We all know BioWare right? Of course we (gamers) do! Did you know that their first game was called Shattered Steel for DOS and MACOS (yes MacOS) and was released 1996? If you think your a fan of BioWare then that's no news to you. We can all see that BioWare really jumped into fame with Mass Ef... wait no! They have been making very well received games from Baulder's Gate (their second game) to Jade Empire. Not to mention a little game known as the original Star Wars: the Old Republic. So yeah, sorry about that little miscalculation. I'm not as much of a fan of them as I should be, but I degrees. So, they are a very well renowned video game development company.

To the main point! The Mass Effect series is one of those few great games that defines a video game generation as a whole. Much as a book or movie series defies a generation, like the Lord of the Rings Trilogy and The Matrix Trilogy, a game like this does the same. Some would argue this fact more so and say it has done more. Anyway, does this latest and/or last Mass Effect game from the BioWare tell another great tail for this game generation or does it end up like the Resident Evil movies? They just wont stop!

Just a heads-up; I will not take the controversial ending into account. I have not beaten this game yet and strongly feel the ending should not criticized in any review. <-- period

Part I: A Galaxy Far-ly Close Away

Mass Effect 3 is set in the Milky Way Galaxy, where we use Mass Arrays built by the Protheans to travel to distance worlds with very advanced and relatively friendly cooperative forms of life. Mind the run-on. The graphics in this game have not improved much from the second title, but still look great. Why change them and if it looks nice it looks nice. Except sometimes while walking on uneven a rocky terrain, our Shepard (lol) seems to walk through the rocks or surfaces, but you only notice that when staring stupidly at the ground and get shot to sh** too. Not a big issue, but still there. The art style is very diverse and you can tell where many of the looks of planets and creatures are influenced from. Everything looks fresh and interesting new and different. I don't mean from the other Mass Effect games, but I mean this game compared to other completely different games.

I do say that character speaking looks a bit more realistic and it's cool to stare at turians and wonder how the hell their mouths work. One thing I have a small gripe with is how for mission objects, the game doesn't give any way points or way to set any particular mission active or not. You think with an big RPG dev like BioWare such an issue would be eradicated and is the only UI challenge with the game. One last thing that kind of grids me is the lack of epic and amazing cut scenes by Blur Studios and that's a bummer. Well, not much of an improvement, but good in this category none the less.

Part II: It's the End of the World as we know it and I feel, idk.

Okay, so bad guys are the Reapers and Cerberus are a pain in the ass and the Geth, who cares about them.The rest of everyone is just trying to survive. Reapers invade Earth and now you got to leave and get the other species to help you fight off the Reapers with some Cerberus and Geth being jerks along the way. I will go into the War Assets in the gameplay part. The story line is pretty good, but making the storyline along your choices is what makes this entire game series stand as one of the greatest of all time. Apologies for not playing the other two games, but it is very true that the choices made from ME2 do effect, to an extent, the story of your character and interactions in this game. So no time paradoxes you HAX0RS!  The choices the player has to make are very difficult and question every fiber of your moral being; they also very much affect what friends and foes you will make. (note to you all: DO NOT SELL LEGION TO CERBERUS!!!) Or you could just go renegade and look like Darth Vader under the helmet. It is all up to you! That is awesome.

You just have to give BioWare a major applause for forming this story around the last game way more than any other game has done before. You can still do romances and carry those over from ME2 as well, which is neat too. Such things make you feel so much purpose in a video game. Well in real life, now that's up to you. In all, adding a pretty good story with completely unique decision making, have profound impact not just on the game, but on the one who experiences it.  All you trolls can just suck it!



Part III: World at-I mean: Galaxy at War!

Mass Effect 3 has a very smooth and fluid feel to it. It feels so good to play. The balance between RPG and TPS elements is so well done that gamers hardcore or soft, from any side of the Action RPG spectrum can pick up this game and just have a blast playing it. The squad system is great and the NPCs that fight along side and against you have a very smart AI and create a very realistic combat atmosphere. The usage of squadmate powers is almost perfect and your teams can even shot and kill (that's right) the opposing enemies too. Mass Effect 3 also allows weapons to be upgraded and attached with two different items that increase or decrease certain aspects of the weapon. A new feature added to this game is called War Assets and essentially the player needs to play side missions, main missions, scan planets, and say the correct lines to gain more and more of these. War Assets then can be used, in the end to fight off the Reapers and restore order within the galaxy.

Now in game choices really could go in gameplay and story, but as you can see, I put them in the story category.

The multiplayer is very much like Horde mode and Spec Ops Survival, but with many classes to choose and use. Multiplayer also is part of the War Asset feature that utilize a percent system. Based on playing a certain amount of time in multiplayer the percentage goes up a acts as preparing for the war. Are leveling up to 20 of any class you can promote that character to Galaxy at War statues, which is like prestiging in COD. In this game though, that character from multiplayer becomes your own war asset and increases the number you have to fight for the galaxy. Finally multiplayer that incorporates into the actually campaign of the game. Not as much as BRINK, but lets just avoid that.



 Extro: The End........?

Mass Effect 3, amazing game, but questionable ending. Is it really over? Realize this: Shepard died in the second game (not saying he will or wont in this one) and was rebuilt, so death may not even stop him. Anyway, this game is up there (so far) as one of the greatest games I have ever played. If you like Sci-Fi, Shooting, Action, and RPG video games; buy this buy this buy this BUY THIS!!!!! Still on edge with the ending? Don't spoil it for yourself! Rent it, and let the first few hours tell you if this will be the greatest game ever! Now I gotta the play the first two!

 Damn Reaper laser!

Supah Trickah SSX Review

This game did a Backside 450 Indy with the Tailgrab! Ouch, I leave that out of the review! Speeeedd Booosst! Boost right into the finish with my Supah Trickah SSX Review.

Not really.



Intro: It is not SSSEX!

Well if you did not know, I was trying to reference the first SSX and how the announcer(s) (I don't so remember) call out the player's tricks, boosts, and falls during a race. Okay, so the first SSX came out about 12 years ago, and wow I know. Now after 4 more games, we finally get this game on our 7th gen consoles and it is about time. Now as to be expected, the game has much better graphics, longer and more in-depth gameplay, but lacks majorly in storyline. My reader will soon learn what really is important in a review for this game. Green is GO!

The video is a taste of Africa snowboarding. I said it!

Part 1: What is not important

The storyline, ugh the storyline. Where to end, where to end. The campaign is called SSX World Tour and three "legends" of Snowboarding, Surfing, and Motocross (SSX) join with a team of others to conquer the 9 Deadly Descents of the world. For some reason a kid named Griff bails on the team and they lose their funding. Some how getting their fans to watch them around the world will give them enough funding for the tour they. Are. Already. On. Yeah, right. Now Griff is a rival of them... Okay so story makes no sense and totally stinks, but that is not important (as the subtitle says). Lets move to characters which are a minor importance.

There are few characters here and there from the first game and many more new ones. Many fans will pick some old favs and some new guys (or gals) from this one to "Own the Planet". After beating and recruiting each character, a little moving and sounding comic-style cutscene shows the background of that person. Those sequences aren't bad and are even a little interesting and such. The game also features three different and stereotypical helicopter pilots: one Australian and Russian guy, and a Asian gal. Each of them give some feedback like the announcers from the first game, but don't call out each move you do and they tell you of the certain terrain the track is heading into. So bad story and decent characters. One egg for effort!

 Part 2: I am already cold enough!

I'm from Illinois, so February (and March) isss sssoo vvvvveryy cold around here. I'll I need is more cold and snow. Actually it was a record low for snow in a long time in this state. This game has definitely made up for that lack of snow, but certainly lack of cold. Stop me! Alright the graphics and great, the snow looks good. Well, it all looks very good graphics, snow, track design, and characters. One thing to take into interest is in the cutscenes like from the image above. All of these look like very long elaborate YouTube intros with the 3-D affect and the average person not knowing how to make it! It looks good, it changes it up compared to any newerish game I've seen around. It must have saved some money and it looks nice too.

Another interesting note to note (redundant), is the fact that for 28 'drops' or tracks, they used NASA data to create them. You can thank Mother Nature for designing those! The snow 'spraying' looks more real and the shadowing is very much improved. Most of dialog is better acted and expressed. The character's recruitment comics look like a mix of good and bad art just like Metal Gear Awesome (go watch them they are funnuh). No more urban scenery like the previous games; they look more natural and sometimes industrial. One bit of the game that won't be taken into this review is the soundtrack. It has lots of songs, none of which I like (I am a Rock/Metal fan). It seemed to have allot Dub-Step music and has one Skrillex song, but not any of Korn's new songs *sad face*. Two white frosted eggs for art.

Part 3: TRICKEY! TRICKEY!

The gameplay is the heart and soul of this game and makes it awesome! I'll tell you already: 2 golden eggs for gameplay. This game is fun and hard and everything awesome! Time to settle abit; SSX features many different drops for the World Tour that are not very hard at all to get golds in stuff and complete. Now in the Browse mode you can choose from over 150 (153) drops to play and that includes these modes. Race is race whopdeedo! Trick it is where you need to rack up as many points with tricks and failing a trick spells minus points. The hardest ones are survival mode; with each different drop of these the play must use different gear to help you survive. Play it to find out. They work great and the game's economy system is not at all explained, but very easy to use and money is earned as a reward for placing in top three of any mode. Before each drop, the game tells you the percentage of your survival. You can also do drops that require gear without using it and get some Achievements/Trophies, but good luck. Never tell me the odds!

Now into the playing of this game. Much like the first one, this is very easy for about any gamer to pick up and have many hours of fun. It's no Skyrim lengthen game, but it's over all difficulty in getting all golds in everything is gonna take some 100+ hours. Not to mention the multiplayer. It is good, but you only can play and compete for the highest everything in this mode. You can start some rivalries or just scream at each other over a stupid race some one is gonna cry over. This game is very intense no matter how many replays you do. Spend your money too, because an impossible seeming drop might be a little less impossible with a few mods and better gear purchased from the store. I didn't say it would be Goldable just not impossible to finish in 3rd place. Good luck once again! Most of all have lots of fun.

SSX is very nice complete redo of a 6 gen classic game to a 7th gen console. It has really astounding visuals, and not so good who cares attempt on a story and okay characters, and intense unforgettable gameplay. SSX is a very extreme sport game the really can 'Defy Reality' to the world and a gamer's world as well. Play the demo and see it too. Rent it then or even buy after that or before. Any lover of the first game who forgot the other 4 (like) and long time lifers of the series need this game at any time of the year for a great experience every play through again and again. SSX 2012 greatly earns 5 out of six eggs!

They need warmth to survive!